UNFORGIVING

I made a decision NEVER to forgive you, I made that decision a long time back. You had trampled all my emotions, you had dragged me through Mud; rolling, kicking and begging for your consideration. You showed none. I gave you my all, you put it right under your feet, with no regard. It was the exact stuff movies are still made of. I uttered my best heartfelt lines to your unlistening ears and I was earnest in my pleas that you give me faint consideration. Of course you did no such thing.

I vowed NEVER to forgive you, such wickedness! Such inhuman treatment! Such disregard, disdain, heartlessness and callousness! Knowing you, I felt my lowest, lower than the dirt you walked on, for you, I denounced pride, you looked on me with disgust, you had brought me low, had you not? You had humbled me, had you not? I cried my hardest knowing you, I shed my pride for you, knowing you I knew heartbreak, you were the stuff my nightmares are still made of.

For you, I was broken.

But you were not all bad, you did not ask me to love you, sure you made a few remarks to that effect but how were you to know I would believe those lines? How were you to know I would try to fight for something you did not even feel? You could not have known that I did not utter words lightly, neither did I give myself so lightly. But for all you took and did not return, for all the promises you did not keep and for all the love unrequited, I swore NEVER to forgive you.

I picked myself up and I moved on, it was a hardship, many times I thought you had completely broken me. Apparently I thought wrong, I still had life. So I picked myself up and tried to move on. I succeeded. But I became a new person. I had learnt bitter lessons from you. I had learnt exactly what to do with the next person vying for my heart.
Now I toy with people too, I say things I mean least and do things purely for gain. Now I pass time toying with people’s affections and watching them squirm like I once did. I watch your likes profess things they do not mean and I listen only to laugh. I do not love, I seek enjoyment and I seek devotion. I  look back to where I am coming from and I exclaim, Never Again! I play, I tease and I toy, nobody will ever drag me through dirt again. I do not enjoy what I do but now I understand you and finally, I forgive you.

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19 thoughts on “UNFORGIVING

    1. Because you have become him. The price of forgiveness “…but how were you to know that i would believe those lines…” “…try to fight for something you did not feel…” I can relate. How foolish one can be at times, foolish and naive and hopeful and wishful #sighs

  1. Wow!!! I have no doubts this is strait from the heart. Such use of words and such expression of pain. I really glad U let go. Congrats!!!

  2. The most important thing is to learn from our past to shape our future, and of course once there is life, there’s hope for a better tomorrrow. I trust you NNNA, to entertain US. Thanks for this and many more to come.

  3. Thank God there was room for forgiveness buh U dont have to be him (toying with pple’s emotions and saying words u mean not)…. The Golden rule is lacking here…. Nice write up.

  4. nice writeup tho . but in other news…..shame on you both. if you became like him, then he actually won. he broke you and he broke you to smithreens!! he won

  5. Forgiveness,one of the most difficult things to do.So happy she /he forgave.Nneoma,where on earth do you get your muse for writing?

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