UNFORGIVING

I made a decision NEVER to forgive you, I made that decision a long time back. You had trampled all my emotions, you had dragged me through Mud; rolling, kicking and begging for your consideration. You showed none. I gave you my all, you put it right under your feet, with no regard. It was the exact stuff movies are still made of. I uttered my best heartfelt lines to your unlistening ears and I was earnest in my pleas that you give me faint consideration. Of course you did no such thing.

I vowed NEVER to forgive you, such wickedness! Such inhuman treatment! Such disregard, disdain, heartlessness and callousness! Knowing you, I felt my lowest, lower than the dirt you walked on, for you, I denounced pride, you looked on me with disgust, you had brought me low, had you not? You had humbled me, had you not? I cried my hardest knowing you, I shed my pride for you, knowing you I knew heartbreak, you were the stuff my nightmares are still made of.

For you, I was broken.

But you were not all bad, you did not ask me to love you, sure you made a few remarks to that effect but how were you to know I would believe those lines? How were you to know I would try to fight for something you did not even feel? You could not have known that I did not utter words lightly, neither did I give myself so lightly. But for all you took and did not return, for all the promises you did not keep and for all the love unrequited, I swore NEVER to forgive you.

I picked myself up and I moved on, it was a hardship, many times I thought you had completely broken me. Apparently I thought wrong, I still had life. So I picked myself up and tried to move on. I succeeded. But I became a new person. I had learnt bitter lessons from you. I had learnt exactly what to do with the next person vying for my heart.
Now I toy with people too, I say things I mean least and do things purely for gain. Now I pass time toying with people’s affections and watching them squirm like I once did. I watch your likes profess things they do not mean and I listen only to laugh. I do not love, I seek enjoyment and I seek devotion. I  look back to where I am coming from and I exclaim, Never Again! I play, I tease and I toy, nobody will ever drag me through dirt again. I do not enjoy what I do but now I understand you and finally, I forgive you.